Sketch Analysis: Wonga.com

So in my last post, i wrote about what was wrong with my missile defence sketch.

In this post, I'll take a look at my wonga.com sketch that was picked up and performed by the team at newsrevue.

So in the previous post, I talked about 3 things:

• No sense of the characters
• Characters not being consistent
• Inconsistent game of the scene

So what happened with Wonga.Com.

Characters

3 characters.

Betty, Joyce and George.   Who were all parodies of the 3 characters from the wonga.com commercial.
Betty and Joyce are old ladies.
Betty and George know each other better
Betty and Joyce are friends
Berry doesn't know much about Wonga.Com or about loans and Joyce does
George is an idiot chasing rainbows, not knowing much about mone and being the chancellor of the exchequer

Game of the scene

It's a parody of the wonga.com advert.
I'm not really this follows the game of the scene style.   need to think about this more.
Sure it's about the relationship of the characters but there is no normal situation->unusual thing->escalate format.   It's an advert parody.

What is slightly wrong
it should probably be clearer at the beginning that George is George Osborne.   So perhaps the dialog would be better as Where's George Osborn?
Also some of the dialog could have been slightly cut (around the sliders) but hey ho

In short, i see why it worked.

Consistent characters
Funny dialog

And I saw it being performed and it went down really well :)

So my lesson is:

Consistent Characters
Parody advert

:)

Some of the sketches that I've written

So I thought I would post some of my sketches earlier that i've written in the past month that have had some decent success :)

Vampire Benefit Tourists - was performed by The Treason Show in March 2013

Wonga.com - was performed by newsrevue for 3 weeks in March 2013

Pope's last day at work - I think was recorded but cut by newsjack

Pope Factor - good feedback from newsrevue although not taken as they were running their own pope factor type sketches

ways to avoid drone attacks - recorded but cut in the edit by newsjack


aaaaand here are the ones that didn't have so much success :)

russian meteories

disneyladen

jocklands

lunchpod

missile defence

There are a few sketches that I haven't published, i.e. the recent ones that are submitted for other shows etc.

I will try and publish them later at an appropriate time.

Hope that you enjoy them

sketch: pope factor

This sketch got pretty good feedback from newsrevue.   They were running their own popefactor sketch.   Different aspect.   I focused on judges they were focusing on individuals.   Was still pretty happy with it though.

Was starting to feel my writing was improving

Pope Factor

JOHN SMITH:             Welcome to the Pope Factor, the auditions.   Let’s see which one of the hopefuls makes it through to Conclave.

PLAY X-Factor music

NICOLE:                      What’s your name?

CARDINAL:                 Cardinal Goody-two-shoesy-o.   This is my dream all I ever wanted.   God told me to come to the auditons today.

NICOLE:                      Okay, sweetie, sing your song!!!

CARDINAL:                 Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya

NICOLE:                      Stop, stop!!!!   No, baby, no!!!  
We’re not looking for Psalms.
We’re looking for something Psalm-az-ing!!!

                                      Gary, what do you think?

GARY:                          My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the papacy business, don't. 

CARDINAL X:             Hello, I’m Cardinal O’Malley.  I’ve been Choirmaster for the teenage trainee priest programme with cardinal o’brien for the last 10 years.

Nicole:                         All the girls and buys at home are gonna love him.

GARY:                          I think that might be the problem!!!!

NICOLE:                      So what’s your name, my little sweetie balls?

BEELZEBUB:             I am Satan, the Dark Lord!!!

LOUIS:                         Dark Lord, I actually think you might be the dark horse of this competition.

NICOLE:                      So what makes you think you have the pope-factor.

BEELZEBUB:             It’s all I ever wanted.   It’s been my dream since I was a small spawn.

NICOLE:                      You’re so cute, you’re like a little devil.   You can be my little Satanballs.   You’re through to Conclave.

LOUIS:                   I think he’s a little less controversial than the last pope we had.

JESUS:                        Hi, I’m Cardinal Jesus.

NICOLE:                      What are you gonna sing?

<to the tune of 500 miles>

JESUS:                        If I would have 5 hundred fish and you would need 5 thousand more.   I could be the man that’d turn a thousand fish and loaves down on the shore.

NICOLE:                      Oh no sweetie, we want something a little less proclaimer and a little more saviour.

LOUIS:                         Well, you look like a pope-star and sound like a pope-star to me.

                                      I want you in my final three!!!

GARY:                          The papacy needs to move forward.   You’d still have him turning water into wine.   Who’s next?

CARDINAL

ANGELO:                    I’m Cardinal Angelo

NICOLE:                      Now sweetie.   We want to avoid any scandals.   No choir boys, no priests?

ANGELO:                    I’m Italian.   I only do heterosexual scandals with my buddy Silvio.
Now, how you doin’?

NICOLE:                      Well, it’s a yes, yes, yes (screaming slightly) from me

LOUS:                          Pick up the phones and vote for him, he’s a yes from me.

GARY:                          You’ve got a holy trinity of yes’s, you’re through to conclave.

© 2013 Chris Hay - All rights reserved

sketch: wonga.com

This was played at Newsrevue for 3 weeks.   4 shows a week.   Pretty pleased with that.   

And I got to see it performed, pretty amazing!!!!

WONGA.COM

PARODY OF THE WONGA.COM ADVERTS

JOYCE AND BETTY ARE THE 2 OLD DEARS FROM THE WONGA ADVERTS

GEORGE IS GEORGE OSBORN BUT IS EARL FROM THE ADVERT

JOYCE:                        Where's George?

BETTY:                        Oh, he's off looking for little pots of gold at the end of rainbows. 

JOYCE:                        Oh!!

BETTY:                        Now that we have lost our AAA status, we can't borrow any money to prop up our currency.
He's hoping if he finds a little pot of gold, he can sell it to Cash4LeprechaunGold.
If we can’t find more money, Interest rates will sky rocket!! 

JOYCE:                        Oh Betty.   We can solve all George's problems with an even higher form of interest rate.

JOYCE:                        A loan from Wonka.com
(beat)
using their online sliders. We'll just ask for 10 billion and payback 300 billion in 2.5 years time.

BETTY:                        I see, so paying it back will be the problem of the next government.

JOYCE:                        Yes, we call it the Election Day loan.

                                      No hidden charges or nasty surprises.

                                      For this government.
(..)
The next one is stuffed.

GEORGE:                   Fiddledee….

<interrupts>

BETTY:                        George, you can stop pretending to be a leprechaun

GEORGE:                   No, I was planning the budget
Fiddledee books 
Fiddledee books

© 2013 Chris Hay - All rights reserved

Newsrevue last night

so last night I had the pleasure of going to see Newsrevue

really blown away how talented the performers were and how good the show was.

was really nice to be see my wonga.com sketch being performed (for the 3rd week running), was a bit of an added bonus :)

definititely gave me a better idea of how the show goes and what works in the show and what doesn't.   also gave me a better idea of the performance styles.

i look forward to going to seeing many more shows and hopefully getting many more sketches on, hopefully :)

Some further points about improving my sketch writing

Soooooo,

I've stepped back a little bit for a second thinking about my sketches.

Some quick thoughts:

Good Points

• Getting better at finding punchlines (probably got a bit to go yet)
• Getting much better at finding the sound of the character.
• Lots of funny jokes throughout the dialogs

Bad Points

• Not really creating an action / scene.   I still tend towards funny dialog.   (I think this will be my next focus).    Creating drama etc
• Not really moved out of the non-topical arena (struggling to write non-topical sketches)
• Writing for existing characters (need to learn to create my own)

Will post some actual sketches soon!!!

This weekend

This has been a pretty interesting weekend so far.    Had some nice chill out time.   Listened to some podcasts. 

Discovered Friday Football Special earlier this week on the British Comedy Guide Forums.   Even submitted a sketch to them yesterday.   Will post the details of it later (yeah, i know, I always say that0.

Even more bizarrely I wrote a sketch on Noel Gallagher and Emeli Sande.   I decided that it was way too rude (a lot of swearing / noel gallagher) for Newsjack but I thought it would fit in with Newsrevue. I was pretty pleased with the sketch (especially since I haven't written anything in 2 weeks).

However I did the weirdest thing, I put a strange twist on it and managed to rewrite a version that would work for newsjack.   I actually think the cleaned up version is much funnier.   I submitted the new version to newsrevue also but if I suspect if they do like the sketch they'll probably go for the first one as it's more in their style.    However both shows probably won't take either version, lol.

I will post up the sketches soon (lol). promise.

Other things I did.

Listened to the Live From Kirrin Island podcasts whilst I chilled by the pool

Read some more of bossypants.

Sketch writing: Taking stock!!!

So i started sketch writing at the beginning of february.   In-fact the first week of newsjack.   So i think it's about one month.

In that time, I have written:

• 12 topical sketches (which have either been submitted to newsjack, treason show or newsrevue)
• 1 non-topical sketch
• 4 song parodies

I took one week off from writing sketches

of those 12 topical sketches:

• One is currently being performed at Newsrevue
• One was definitely performed but cut at the edit of Newsjack
• One may have been performed and cut at the edit of Newsjack
• One was close to making it at newsrevue (was a sketch called pope factor but was heavily based on the judges), newsrevue contact me about it as they wered doing a different type of pope factor sketch, said they couldn't use it for that reason.   however asked for suggestions on different characters.  one of my suggestions (gok wan) was developed by them (i didn't write it and it was probably just a coincidence).

i have no idea if treason show used any of my sketches (a little frustrating not seeing a running order).

As far as i am aware nobody has used my songs :(

Anyways.   I feel that this is amazing progress for my first month of sketch writing.   I will try and post up sketches as I remember.

Whooo, sketch writing, love it.   on that point, time to write some :)

I'm a professional sketch writer now (sorta)

so for the last 2 weeks newsrevue have been playing one of my sketches.   It's called wonga.com :D

Unfortunately I'm in India at the moment, so I can't see it being performed.   Hopefully it will make one more week and I can maybe see it next weekend

However,  I am on top of the world about this.

Song Parody: Mr Ed

So this is a pretty obvious song parody.   I don't think anyone used it, lol.   I am really bad at these parodies.   They only seem to keep me entertained, ah well.

I submitted to both treason show and newsrevue.   Newsrevue didn't use it, no idea about the treason show (no running order)

This one is on the horsemeat scandal in the UK.

Mr Ed
-----------

a meatball's a horse, of course of course

and no one can be sure of the horses source

that is of course, it'sa Findus horse

You ate some Mister Ed

Go to a race course and pick your horse

and if he cannot manage to fin-ish first

can always be the entree course

Death to Mister Ed

People snack-it-ti-snack their meal

and hope that it's fillet

but wait until findus reveal

your pancakes used to neigh

a meatball's a horse, of course of course

and no longer can mcdonalds be called the worst

you never ate a drugged up horse

well, thanks findus…

I ate Mister Ed

2 new song parodies

Haven't written any sketches this weekend yet.   Been chilling out.

I did write 2 new song parodies this week.    One of the songs has been submitted to the treason show and newsrevue.   The other song, I am just finishing up and will submit later today.   Will post the lyrics to these songs later on this week.

Will probably sit down and try and write some sketches in a few minutes

Song: Eat all around Lit

So I wrote this song parody about a month ago, submitted to both newsrevue and the treason show.   Didn't make it on either show.   It's not a massively funny song but I kinda liked it.   It was based on the idea by Eric Pickles to put coffee shops in libraries like they do with book stores.

The original song was by Emile Sande and the tune is to Read All about It Part III.

Anyways, as I said, I can't sing so can't record it but hope someone likes it :))

Eat all around Lit

You've got the words to change a nation

but you're biting no bun

You've spent a life time stuck in silence

when you could hear a till be rung

if no-one's ever here there'll be no librarian

so costa, costa,

costa, costa

You've got a tum as big as pickles

so why let your hunger be tamed

Baby, we're a little thirsty

let your bladder be enflamed

you've got a flat white in the shadows

so stop hiding biscotti

costa, costa

I want icing, I want it now

I want ice-cream till the cows dry out

so put it in all of the libraries

I get hungry <pronounced hungray>

they can eat all around lit

eat all around lit oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

And now we're munching up some super fudge

While we read some Judy Blume

Drinking some more espresso, yeah

And listening to this tune

This municipal building is now living

And not another urban ruin

so costa, costa

costa,  costa

Lets get the librarian or the barista

To bring our drinks again

it's about time we got more caffeine, as you are just my friend

I've got fifty shades of grey,

theres no need to go to bed

Costa, Costa

I want icing, I want it now

I want ice-cream till the cows dry out

so put it in all of the libraries

I get hungry

they can eat all around lit

eat all around lit oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

yeah, we're all reading 'bout liar pants armstrong

who's biography is classed as fiction.

now we're finally hearing the real thing.

So grab a bun, sit with me and drink this

Yeah its a wonderful, chemical confession

And the drugs are listed by dewey decimal

And now we finally found what is missing

So grab a bun, sit with me and drink this

I want icing, I want it now

I want ice-cream till the cows dry out

so put it in all of the libraries

I get hungry

they can eat all around lit

eat all around lit oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

oh-oh-oh

I want icing, I want it now

I want ice-cream till the cows dry out

so put it in all of the libraries

I get hungry

they can eat all around lit

eat all around lit oh