Sketch analysis: Missile defences

So I wrote a sketch a few weeks ago on missile defences.   This sketch didn't get picked up by Newsjack, Treason Show or Newsrevue.

So for my own sanity.   I thought I'd analyse why.

Sometimes a good sketch just doesn't fit a show etc and that's okay but if you can find flaws then it might be worth it.    Helps you write a better sketch.

The sketch is here: http://chuksketch.blogspot.com/2013/04/sketch-missile-defence.html

Sooooo, what's wrong with it.  Let's look at some of the elements

What is the game of the scene?

Well, the game of the scene in this sketch is inconsistent.    It's almost like 2 different sketches.

The first half of the scene is about ridiculous suggestions on missile defence systems

The second half of the scene is about quite a sensible suggestion.

It sort of makes me think that I really have 2 different sketches welded together.    As I said, the dialog is funny but it's not right.

Character Consistency

And having re-read the sketch.   The dialog is funny but I have no idea about the characters involved.  We have 3 characters.

Chief Scientist, Scientist 1 and Scientist 2.

Buttttt, they switch around in each others role.    Which kinda makes it difficult to perform.
At the beginning of the sketch Scientist 1 and Scientist 2 are making goofy suggestions and then at the end of the sketch they are speaking intelligently.    It makes no sense.   The characters aren't being consistent.

How do I improve this?

• Setup front who the characters are, get inside their head, do their voices and mannerism.
• Rewrite the characters to be consistent
• Stick to the game of the scene (and have only one)
• Maybe write two different sketches

As I said the dialog is funny, it just doesn't fit with the scene.   Since North Korea is still relevant.   I might come back to this sketch later this week and do some rewrites.