Saturday, 6 April 2013

Sketch: Lunchpod

This is one of the first sketches I ever wrote.  It's a little bit wordy!  Didn't make any shows.
I think it's something I could come back to in the future.   
Maybe do another blue peter type sketch or an another ipod parody with the same concepts.

Anyways, here it is:


Although the actual blue peter presenter was a Barney Harwood.  No reason it couldn’t
be Helen Skelton.

PRESENTER:            Welcome to a very special episode of Blue Peter.  Today we are at Apple with Senior Vice President of Design, Sir Jonathan Ive.

PRESENTER:            So Jonny, we set a competition for the viewers, to design a lunchbox.  Any tips you can give?
JONNY:                       Does Richard Bacon still have any cocaine or weed kicking around?

PRESENTER:            I was meaning, if Apple were to design it, what sort of thing could we expect.
JONNY:                       Well, at Apple.   We try not to be narrow by using words such as box.  That word tends to limit thinking and bring cube or square like designs.  We would instead call it the lunchPod.  
JONNY:                       And it would be really small
JONNY:                       And box shaped
And it would fit in your pocket of course.

PRESENTER:            Fit in your pocket?  Surely that would be too small to store your lunch in.
JONNY:                       Oh, it wouldn’t be any good at storing your lunch.  Why would you want to use it for that? 
You wouldn’t use the iPhone for phoning people.   Haha, silly person.

JONNY:                       Anyways, as a special surprise, here is one we made earlier.  
Hopefully this should inspire those budding young minds in the competition.

JONNY:                       You can play games on it; it has a school lesson planner and even turn-by-turn directions to your classrooms.
PRESENTER:            Yes, there were a few complaints about that.   It seems that using Lunchpod Apple Maps, some of the kids fell into the swimming pool on their way to the classroom.
JONNY:                       Well, they shouldn’t be following it blindly
PRESENTER:            Or at all

PRESENTER:            The lunchPod is really pretty Jonny but we really did want you to design something that could store more than just a supermodels lunch. 

JONNY:                       Well, for that, you would really need to upgrade to the lunchPad.   It even comes with a cold compartment to keep your milk fresh.
PRESENTER:            We tried that also Jonny but some of the kids were complaining that their milk was sour by lunchtime.
JONNY:                       Ah yes, well.  The battery for the cold compartment only lasts about an hour.  You should probably keep it plugged in.  Or you could try switching off the 3G and location data

PRESENTER:            The kids were also saying that the lunchPod leaks.
JONNY:                       Ah, no.  The kids are clearly holding it wrong.
PRESENTER:            No, they aren’t.  It’s a fault in the design.
JONNY:                       It’s not a fault in the design but as a goodwill gesture to the non-geniuses who can’t hold a lunchbox properly.
PRESENTER:            They are children!!
JONNY:                       Whatever!!  We’ve decided to give away a free bumper case, which you can wrap around your lunchPod.  Actually, to be honest, it’s just sticky back plastic.

PRESENTER             Well, we thank you Sir Jonny for showing how Apple design things and for inspiring the next generation of kids.  Hopefully, they will now realize that beauty is far more important than ability. 
How do you think we got this job after all?

PRESENTER:            And with that being said, we present you with the Gold Blue Peter badge.  Which is the highest award possible for the pretty but useless people of our nation.  You share this honor with previous winners such as David Beckham and Tom Daley.   We hope you enjoy it!!

JONNY:                       Thank you!!!

© 2013 Chris Hay - All rights reserved

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