sketch: disneyladen

This was the second sketch I ever wrote.  no shows took it on.   Although newsjack did a run a similar sketch on the same subject.  didn't use mine though :(

OSAMA should have ridiculous arab accent of course

The Pakistani city where Osama Bin Laden was found and killed by US special forces is building an amusement park in the hope of boosting tourism.

PLAY CARNIVAL / CIRCUS STYLE MUSIC

OSAMA :                      Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to disneyladen

<Should be carnival ringmaster style, shouting, rhythmic almost poetic>

OSAMA:                       step right up, step right up, come closer, you won’t belieeeeeeve your eyes.   Behind this curtain is the ugliest most hideous bearded lady, or is it just me in disguise. <CACKLE evily>

OSAMA:                       step right up, step right up.  Why not try my shooting gallery.

PLAY Shooting Gallery style music

OSAMA:                       shoot the evil western Donald Duck, win a cuddly bear

A few Donald duck quacks should be thrown in with the shoot gallery music

PLAY AK47 Gunfire

A fizzled out dead Donald duck noise

OSAMA:                       Maybe that game is too easy

PLAY CARNIVAL / CIRCUS STYLE MUSIC

OSAMA:                       step right up, step right up.   Come.  See my cave of wonders.   The cave I lived in whilst you wondered where I was.

OSAMA:                       feast your eyes on its many hidden treasures,  such as my magic carpet.  I mean my bed!!!

PLAY Haunted Music

OSAMA:                       step right up, step right up.  Prepared to be scared.  Visit the scariest place on this planet.   Muhahahaha. 
The haunted mansion <said in a deep muhaha type way>
Or as I called it, home!!
Wasn’t originally haunted, it is now!!!!

OSAMA:                       See the paintings with the moving eyes.   The CIA really needs to improve their bugging equipment.

OSAMA:                       Be afraid of the headless horseman, or Abu the Chauffeur as he was known.   That’ll teach him to feast his eyes on one of my many wives.

OSAMA:                       Yes, This house has hosted some of scariest monsters you can imagine, such as meeeeeeeeee.

PLAY CARNIVAL / CIRCUS STYLE MUSIC

OSAMA:                       We hope you enjoyed your time at disneyladen.  And you will come again.
The park is now closing but before you leave…
step right up, step right up enjoy the most amazing fireworks above the haunted mansion swimming pool.  Best views are by the navy seal enclosure.  

Firework / Gunfire noises

© 2013 Chris Hay - All rights reserved