Saturday, 6 April 2013

sketch: pope's last day at work

I think this was recorded by newsjack and cut as well.    Third week of wriitng, was pretty pleased :)

Pope's last day at work

AIDE:                            So last day at work pope, we’ve just got one last mass to do and we’re done.
POPE:                          No, I think I want to watch a video.
AIDE:                            Well, you can’t!!!
POPE:                          Well, I’m still in-charge and I wanna watcha video.
I was thinking
                                      Oh, that whoopi Goldberg, I’d like to make some whoopy with her
AIDE:                            Pope!!!  Three Hail Mary’s for that sort of talk
POPE:                          Three Mary’s, now we’re talking!!!

AIDE:                            Enough of that Pope.  You’re still pope until tomorrow.  So behave like it.
                                      Please tell me you are not planning any last day pranks? We still haven’t recovered from that fake shroud that Pope Gregory 12th left in Turin when he resigned.  

POPE:                          I was thinking of maybe walking on water later.  I saw dynamo the magician do this on the river thames.  It’s a good trick!! 
AIDE:                            Oh God!!!
POPE:                          Hey, if you wanna speak to him, you still have to come through me, well until tomorrow at least.
AIDE:                            Sorry your holyness!!!

POPE:                          It’s okay!!!  Shall we play a board game?  Isn’t it traditional to play games on your last day?
AIDE:                            Ludo?
POPE:                          I was thinking (…) Risk.
                                      I will place my armies in Europe.
<sighs, nostgalically>
                                      ah, this reminds me of my youth.

POPE:                          Are you going to come along to my leaving do tonight?
                                      I was thinking some brandy and cigars with the cardinals
AIDE:                            You can’t have cigars; those idiots outside will think we’ve elected another pope!!!
                                      Anyways with all these scandals, the cardinals shouldn’t really be seen drinking.
POPE:                          hey, it’s okay; I will just bless some of the wine.   We’ll call it communion.

AIDE:                            I’m sorry Pope, we can’t come but we’re all gonna miss you though.   The cardinals signed this bible for you as a small momento.
I don’t think Cardinal O’Brien is happy with you though.
POPE:                          I can see that.
Pope Eunt Domus.
                                      They Pope House.
I think he means “Pope go Home”
                                      It should say Pope Vade in domum       .
Brien should know much better than that!!
                                      Make him write it out properly a 100 times before I go or I’ll cut his balls off.

<please note the last bit is a take on the monty python life of brian
scene, hopefully it’s not too subtle>

© 2013 Chris Hay - All rights reserved

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