Saturday, 6 April 2013

Sketch: Jocklands

This was the very first sketch that I ever wrote.   I still kinda like it.   I am a little bit biased though.  no shows took it either, lol


<Both characters should be quite serious well spoken civil service politiciany types>

Male Politician:          First item on the foreign office agenda is Falkland Islands.  
Second Item is Scottish Independence
Female Politician:     Surely that is a matter for the home office
Male Politician:          Not if they win, they’ll be foreign.

Male Politician:          Hang on…
                                      We said we’d give the Scottish people a vote on them becoming an independent country
We just didn’t say where that independent country is.
If they vote yes, we could move the scots to the falklands.
Female Politician:     We could call it The Jocklands

Female Politician:     I dunno, are you sure they will go for it, it’s a hostile barren forsaken land.
Male Politician:          Exactly, they’ll be glad to get away from Scotland.

Female Politician:     What about the Argentinians?  Surely they won’t be happy.
Male Politician:          Are you kidding me?   It would be a huge boost for the Argentinian economy.
Since the hand of god in 1986, Scotland has been the biggest purchaser of the Argentina flag and replica jerseys outside of Argentina.

Female Politician:     It’s a win-win.   We sorta keep the falklands.   Argentina has got the next best thing to their own colony. 
Male Politician:          And with Scottish Argentinian relations it would mean in about 20 years time, Scotland would maybe have a decent football team
Female Politician:     Diego Maradonald.
Do you think Scotland will go for it then?
Male Politician:          I think so, I think it would be nice for Scotland to finally have neighbours they actually like.
And if not, we’ll tell them about the tax-free alcohol.
Female Politician:     Well even if they don’t there are ½ million sheep in the Falklands.   We can always try the Welsh!!!

© 2013 Chris Hay - All rights reserved

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